Life within Social Media

I want to thank each of you for your kind words and encouragement after my last post, learning to love. As usual, when I get a little more personal, I hovered over the publish button wondering if I really should. I don’t (or try not to anyway) write for the response but every email, facebook share or message, and comment truly meant so much to me.  Thank you.

I always find it hard to follow up my more personal post; it always seems like an awkward…”and now back to the regular posting schedule, here’s a new recipe.”. Maybe no one else thinks of it, but that’s always how I feel. Anyways. This post is one that I’ve been sitting on for a time as I’ve been chewing over some questions related to social media. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject as well. 

How do I respect my children’s privacy within the use of social media?

This is something that I have always been somewhat mindful of and I’ve tried to be really careful about how much I share of their lives via my blog or Facebook. Perhaps it is because of my own desire for privacy, but right from the beginning of my venturing into “social media land” I’ve felt this strong conviction that I need to respect the story that is growing in each of my daughters, one that is only theirs to tell. Sometimes though, as I look back on status updates, blog posts, or even photos, I realize just how much of an online timeline I’ve created for them.  There are a few that I’ve even removed.

I’ve never talked in depth about discipline or personalities or character because those are things that I feel belong to us as a family trying to wade through this life together. When I do talk about those things, I try to keep it positive so that someday my girls will know that I chose to see the good in them. I’m sure it is probably clear that I find my daughters amazing and delightful but I also try not to over inflate that or paint inaccurate pictures that are not only dishonest to them but that would also only serve to put unfair expectations on them.  They aren’t little angels, they are kids who are learning and growing. They have great depth for good and the same ability to do wrong as anyone else. They are bright, imaginative, and gifted while just being ordinary children who don’t excel (or need to) at many things.

Now, my girls are getting out of the baby, oblivious to the world stage and I’m starting to wonder what respecting their space in this next life phase looks like. I’ve been in the habit of sharing bits of our days and snapping photos of them and have thought nothing of something like telling about a broken leg or a birthday activity yet the girls have asked me why people knew it was their birthday or how so and so knew Cecily had a broken leg. Suddenly what didn’t seem like a big deal to me has been put in a different perspective because of how they respond in surprise to people knowing these details.

I’m actually not really sure where to go with it. I’ve been slipping back in time to hikes through the bush with my mom and brother. Or the endless hours that we spent riding with her and the picnics we took together.  There are the days that she was teaching me to cook or sew; how would I have felt if she had been blogging those moments or status updating them for all of her friends and relations? Would I have felt like a project or that her attention was divided? I don’t know that I would have but I’ve been wondering.

I do enjoy processing through writing and I like to share that with others. I really think that we can be encouraged and challenged together through our use of social media. I do want to keep sharing about life with my family because that is a huge part of who I am but I also do want to write with respect and care of them; I want to honor my relationship of trust with them. I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking that in order for something to have enjoyment, meaning, or worth, it must be shared in a blog, status update, photo or whatever they come up with next. I don’t want to use my camera or written words to invade time or space that only belongs to my daughters.

It’s been changing how I write and at times keeping what I write in a folder on my computer. It seems to me I’m only just beginning to understand the scope of social media and how far reaching it can be. I find that the blogging world especially often seems to push the idea of “being real” and with that comes a pressure to reveal and share things that one might not generally share. I think it can also cloud my judgment on what I share of my family. Sometimes there are things that I really, really want to write about yet something holds me back. How do I blog while maintaining the sacredness of a family? Please understand, I’m absolutely NOT bashing these ways that we have of connecting with others. I’m not indicating what I think others should do and I don’t actually know what it means for myself. Please, please don’t read any “should” for yourself in this.  But I think it really is something worth thinking about and maybe it will be helpful for you too.

Is this something you have thought about? How do you balance social media and the privacy of your family? Do you have suggestions or wisdom that you’d be willing to share?

Learning to Love

I heard this song, Just Give Me A Reason, last week and rolled my eyes at the first couple of lines. But then the lump in my throat grew as I heard these words,

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

That’s us. That’s probably a lot of others as well. It’s my friend, Beth’s 10th anniversary today and she wrote a beautiful and honest post, New Kind of Sexy, that I’d love for each of my readers to read. I don’t want to take away from her post and originally, I wrote what follows below for Dan while listening to the song that I mentioned; it wasn’t something that was going to make it to my blog. After I read Beth’s post (where she included this song) several times this morning though, it made me realize that there are so many of us struggling in our marriages. Struggling to keep it together, wanting so badly to love and to make it work, and feeling so very alone in the struggle. Often we don't see the broken pieces in a marriage until they are irreparable. Sometimes in the past, I have felt like I was going to choke under the perfection that others seemed to indicate that they saw in our togetherness. Few, very few, will ever hear the details of our story; there’s no need really. But I/we will never choose to put up a front that is not us and we've been blessed with some who will guard our story as they walk with us. Many will never see beyond the Christmas card smiles to see the fight, prayers and determination that have gone into those clasped hands, that loving smile. There will always be those who believe that love has been easy for us. And that’s okay for perhaps on a scale of comparison it has been. I don’t know. I only know that staying together, choosing love, and choosing one has been hard. And good. And worth all the fight because we’ll keep learning to love. We aren’t meant to do this alone, we need the support of others if we’re going to make to the next fifty years. I hope that this little glimpse into us, into our story gives hope to another in their story.

We talked and talked. We laughed. We touched. We fought and we apologized. We made babies and laughed through tears as each one was placed in our arms. We wiped each others tears as they fell for the loss of one baby and then another. We told our secrets, some in the choked murmur of shame in the passing years. And the battering rams began. We were alone, just the two of us trying to raise our babies, trying to live our simple life, trying not to drown in fear, in lies, in hurt, and in the darkness that seemed so thirsty for our light. There was nowhere to go. Nowhere to turn. Never enough time, enough sleep, enough money. Never enough. Just two broken people standing across from each other at a kitchen island in hopeless defeat. There was an ultimatum. One so broken, wanting to please, wanting forgiveness, and quick to say, “I’m sorry”. One so broken, steeped in anger, filled with fear, determined to live in honor, and wanting to forgive. It doesn’t really matter who made the first step, who picked up the phone, who made what mistake. What matters is that hands met and made new promises, that there was wisdom and grace answering the phone call that’s been repeated many times since, and that Love can make right.

The story isn’t over. The scars remain. The deep rooted weeds need digging out, over and over. Two broken people. The breaking point never seems far off. The tired in my mind is reflected in your eyes. Harsh words flow too easily and blame is an unattractive, itchy sweater. But somewhere between the prayers, the honesty, the words of those who’ve been there, done that, and the choice to keep going, we remain. When I wake in the night to face the ugliness of memories and old scars, your arms hold me close. When you tell me that you booked that wedding job, I start the high-five.  We commit to a month of affirming each other and laugh at the ridiculous things that we say. But it works even if it was ridiculous. Slowly the things that we believe and appreciate of each other begins to come out. I don’t know if two broken, messy people ever make a completely beautiful whole in this life, but we get glimpses. And the glimpses are glorious sometimes. Love is a word often lightly tossed around like in the way that Cecily says, “I wuv green beans.”, when tomorrow she might not. Love is often seen in the red roses that Aneliese pointed out to me the other day and said “They were wayyyy too expensive to buy.”.  But Love, it drips with blood. It’s dragged through the dirt and the rocks and is surrounded by ugly, but keeps going.  It pulled two people who felt destroyed into each other’s arms. It keeps trying. It keeps going. Sometimes the love of two is held up by the love of others. Love is hard. But sometimes it’s all there is. It's what holds us together.

The Family Milk Cow

We've somewhat settled into having a milk cow and I thought that I’d share a post  (or two or three) on the addition of a milk cow to our farm and I figured that I better do it before I got really comfortable so that I’d remember all those newbie, Idon’tknowwhattodonow! details. For those of you who don’t ever plan to own a milk cow, don’t care to know about how it works to have a family milk cow, or who are just short on time, I’ll give you the brief version. It’s going great and now you can look at the pictures. For those of you who are interested in the details or who have told me that you’d like have a cow some day, the rest is for you.

Sidenote: Because we already get asked regularly, we aren’t selling milk. We don’t have enough and don’t actually wish to get into the complications of that. It is illegal to sell milk here in Canada and while we fully and completely support those who choose to sell and purchase, it’s not something we want to get into.

Why a Highland Jersey?
 I've always said that I wanted a Jersey cow because I love their creamy milk and because I've always thought they were such a pretty cow. As I started reading more about cows though, I realized that Jersey's are one of the more delicate cows to care for especially here where it tends to be cold and wet in the winter. Pretty randomly, I came across a kijiji ad for a highland/jersey cross and it all clicked into place; cross a hardier breed with the breed that I wanted. I also was drawn by the idea of getting a more manageable amount of milk as I have no plans of selling milk at this point (Yes, it is illegal here in Canada). I began chatting with a old timer farmer who told me that I'd likely have a hard time finding such a cow in this area but that he'd keep his eyes open. Then I came across the Hidden Meadow Farm blog and we began chatting as blogging friends. They raise highland cattle but also have a sweet Jersey named Ginger. Ginger is Sugar's mama and so the story goes. Sugar is my perfect highland/jersey cross that I was looking for.
Starting out:
Sugar is a first time mama this year and she hadn't been milked before coming here. I mentioned before that it was all a little overwhelming for me at first. I knew that I needed to milk her out once I started but she was pretty edgy and worried about her calf. I've only ever milked seasoned milk cows and while I realize even that is more than many people can say, I still felt like I had bit off more than I could chew. BUT, we took it slow and probably slightly unconventionally until Sugar got accustomed to being milked by us. Although she never kicked hard, I may have ended up on the ground once or twice while trying to balance on my silly stool and save the milk. Because we weren't milking her out but her supply was increasing I was pretty stressed about mastitis as well but I just watched closely and continue to check for any symptoms each milking. So far so good.

Milk Sharing:

We are milk sharing with Copper the calf, which adds a little more work to the mix. It’s more common that the calf is separated from it’s mother and is bottle/bucket fed milk (or calf starter) from the milk. We like to keep things a natural and stress-free for the animals as possible for both them and ourselves so we have chosen to allow the calf to directly feed off his mother. We might realize later that this was a poor choice but that is what we are doing now. Our shelter set up is by no means fancy but we have a little calf pen which allows the calf to be right at his mothers head while we milk. It keeps her relaxed because he is near and keeps him from trying to suckle while we milk. Calves are messy, aggressive eaters; there is no picturesque milking while the calf feeds happening her. In the morning, we milk three quarters and leave one full quarter for Copper that he gets once we are finished. Then he stays with Mama until early afternoon and nurses during that time. Then he is separated until the evening milking when he again gets a full quarter and just before bed we separate them for the night. Of course this means we are getting less milk, but are raising a healthy calf.

We also really like it this way because it allows us some flexibility in milking. Should we be going out for the day, we can simply leave them together and he takes care of the milk so that we don’t have to worry about the evening milk. Of course we won’t always have this option but it has been great so far for the couple of times that we couldn’t do the evening milking.

Milking:

We have a narrow half stall with a manger in front for the food. We tie Sugar up for milk although it has already become so routine for her that we hardly need to. Cows usually are such creatures of habit that if you give them a consistent routine, they’ll happily comply…most of the time. Sugar gets her grain and hay while we milk. Ideally, I’d like to give her a supplement other than dairy ration but am still figuring that out. Often the practice with dairy cows is to give them more dairy ration in order to have them produce a lot more milk. The thing is that their digestive system isn’t actually designed for that so we are giving her a minimal amount of 1.5 c. per milking. Keeps her happy and gives her a little added boost to her hay.

When we began milking, we were milking one handed into a jar so no milk would get wasted by her kicking the bucket over or sticking her foot right in it. We’d put our foot directly on her foot (Always milking on the left side) and our knee against her leg to prevent a sudden forward motion of her foot. We leave Sugar’s back legs loose and at first had to be watchful of her kicking the bucket but now, a few weeks later, she never kicks or really even moves unless she needs to go to the bathroom which she gives warning of ahead of time. Smart girl.

We’re milking into a large stainless steel bucket now and rather than placing it onto the ground, I actually hold it between my knees to keep it closer to the milk stream. That is what I find the most comfortable but I’m also only getting a few liters a milking, this wouldn’t work well with some of the other dairy breeds who produce a lot more milk. In the future I could see considering a milk machine but for all its positives at this point, I think of things like needing electricity for it, the noise it makes, and the increased possibility of mastitis so at this point I’m happy to use a bucket. The hardest part of hand milking was getting the strength in my wrists built up; it tends to work muscles that aren't used often in a repetitive motion.

Sugar is very gentle and quiet about milking now. As long as Copper is close by, she is happy. I've taught a friend how to milk already and both Aneliese and Cecily have milked her as well.

Maintenance:

At this point because we have a hardy breed, we have only a three-sided shelter which is also where we milk. We have plans for a bigger barn and will work on that eventually. We’re working on a rotation system with all of our animals to keep our pastures healthy and growing so we currently have three sections fenced with electric wire. We rotate through so that animals can graze without totally eating one section down. I also spread their manure across the fields from time to time as a natural fertilizing method. We also encourage our chickens to follow the path of the larger animals by giving them scraps in specific areas. I’m getting off track here but seriously as we read and learn, this type of land maintenance is so fascinating, effective, and wise practice. Google it, really; rotational grazing. 

Part of healthy raw milk, is a healthy, mostly clean environment for the milk cow. I’m going to write another post on how we actually handle the milk but for now, just a little about keeping the cow clean. I say mostly clean but if you are picturing a perfectly clean cement floored barn with a milking machine, that isn’t what we have. But I do keep the poop picked up daily in the shelter/milking area and there is always clean bedding spread, usually the scraps that Sugar doesn’t eat at milking. I found that it was getting soggy so I laid a bag of peat moss that is very absorbent over the soil, layered some hay and now I just clean the manure right off of that. I will likely need to add some peat moss from time to time after heavy rains but so far it has been very effective and inexpensive. All of that manure then goes into a composting pile to eventually fertilize my garden.

As I mentioned, we give dairy ration and hay. Right now Sugar is grazing so isn’t eating much hay, otherwise she eats a bale or so a day. She needs a mineral and salt lick to supplement as she likely wouldn’t get enough naturally from our pasture. That’s also something that we learning more about for when we reseed our pasture. And then, water. She needs lots of fresh water. Right now we are going classy style with old bath tubs in each section. It may not be the most attractive, but it’s cost effective and provides her with plenty of clean water.

Why you should have a family milk cow:

If you are interested in ever getting a milk cow, I would highly recommend this book, The Family Cow. It's an older book but is very comprehensive and easy to read. It gives a good coverage of what having a milk cow entails. We've also been very thankful for a couple of experienced people whom we can email or call with our questions. It has been really wonderful having our own fresh, healthy milk every day. I’ve yet to get a good system down but at least when the milk gets old, I don’t feel bad clabbering or souring it to feed to the chickens. I’m dabbling in cheese making and we’ve been eating lots of yogurt, kefir, custards, and anything else that requires milk. I love the peaceful routine of going out in the quiet of the morning and evening to milk. Sugar is a very gentle cow with a great personality, although she does forget that she is grown up at times and kicks her heels up across the field, and she is a pleasure to work with. But, it is a BIG commitment and a lot of work. Everything thing takes time and there isn’t nearly as much opportunity for spontaneous trips. Rainy, wet days aren’t so much fun. Right now, we are saving money because we aren’t purchasing raw milk but there are always unforeseen costs. We have to consider things such as getting her bred so that she will have another calf next year and continue producing milk. There is keeping fences repaired and pens clean. It’s truly so worth it for us though. Both Dan and I really enjoy milking and even the girls are learning which is incredibly cute. I like knowing exactly what I am feeding my family and it’s a way of life that while definitely not for everyone, is so valuable.

This post was shared at Frugally Sustainable.

A three year old's broken leg

Did I say that Cecily’s leg wasn’t broken in my last post? Change that, it is in fact broken. Across the tibia and curving up into her knee. They put the cast on her on Monday and then we were back in on Wednesday because she had already destroyed the first. The second one seems to weigh almost as much as her and is intended to immobilize her until Tuesday when she will have a more thorough assessment at the IWK . I’ve been given more strict instructions to keep her off of it as the fracture is on a growth plate.

The poor girl, she doesn’t say too much but she absolutely hates it. Every so often her face lights up and she says things like “I’m going to run out to feed the chickens!” or “I’m going to jump on the trampoline.”  But then she remembers and it is so sad. "Will I have to wear this for years and years?" and "I really don't love this." (said in the most mournful voice imaginable.) Then every so often, she has had enough and she says that she is taking it off, well cutting it off actually. We’re trying to keep her involved in everything as we can and she spends lots of time playing with her little animals out in the sun but I know that I am having a hard time keeping everything in perspective so for a three year old who has no concept of time or how much worse it could be, it’s definitely trying.

Dan and I were wondering though, how experiences like this are part of shaping a child’s character. How is this being forced to slow down and watch life more slowly going to impact little Cecily? I especially noticed it the other day when I took the girls for a walk by the water the other day. Normally, Cecily is full speed, climbing rocks and doesn’t spend a lot of time observing so it was interesting how much she observed while Aneliese did all the climbing. She pointed out different things in the water, noticed shapes and colors, and talked about sounds that normally she wouldn’t pay heed to. Will this cultivate an observance in her that she wouldn’t have otherwise?

Cecily is generally very independent. She usually prefers to do things herself and doesn’t often ask for help. She is however, very quick to help others and will be the one to run to get something for another or to observe that someone needs a hand.  Suddenly, she has to ask for help and accept help.

I feel like it also is teaching valuable life lessons not just to Cecily but to Aneliese as well. Aneliese doesn’t have that same natural tendency to quickly help others and I’ve been seeing that change this past week. As she has realized that Cecily isn’t able to do things or move well, she has become much quicker to get things for Cecily or to help her out; I came in from milking one morning and Aneliese had actually helped Cecily use the bathroom (not recommended but it was an appreciated gesture).

That’s my Pollyanna perspective for you and the silver lining of this particular cloud. I’m not going to bother telling you about how I feel about the rest of the cloud. It’d be BORING and frankly, kind of whiny. So for the sake of my readers and my faux golden halo that gets easily tarnished lets just pretend that I’m Pollyanna, shall we? Though you could pray for some uninterrupted sleep perhaps for a night or two. That would be lovely.

Farming with Children

Our lives just received an added slight interesting dynamic for the next while.  It was a beautiful sunny spring day and as Dan had the morning off, we spent it outside doing the spring hen house clean out, turned the garden, and played with compost. The girls were in and out, offering a hand now and then or just sitting for a chat before running off to play again. Kathleen even tried her hand at hoeing the garden and tasting some compost while at it!

I'd just headed into the house to get lunch ready when I heard the wail from Cecily who was playing on the trampoline with Kathleen and her daddy. Cecily tends to get over bumps and bruises quite quickly so when she was still unwilling put any weight on her leg that had bent in a strange way, we thought we better have it checked. The good news is that it isn't broken, though they did say that it can be very hard to tell with little ones. The bad news is that at this point she is unable to use it at all and is in a great deal of pain. Poor girl.

All that to say that there will be the challenging dimension of carrying/caring for Cecily until her leg heals. For her sake and mine, I am secretly hoping that she is going to wake up in the morning and find it all better. In some ways it would have almost been better if it had needed a cast because then the inevitable bumping wouldn't be so painful. However, hopefully this way doesn't take as much healing time. In the mean time, if you have any suggestions or practice at entertaining a small, typically very active child or creative pain management (including keeping Kathleen from unintentionally hurting Cecily), please share them.  I'm not very good at this.

I also wanted to let you know that I am sharing a post on how we involve the girls in our farming life over at Red and Honey today. I'd be honored if you would pop over there and check it out! http://redandhoney.com/2013/05/farming-with-children-thoughts-from-a-novice-homesteader/ Have you ever dreamed of farming or is it something that you are getting into now? What are some things that you’d like to know or advice that you would share?