Becoming Kindred Blog

Sleep and other beautiful things

It was a full and busy weekend. Dan had a music engagement on Friday evening so the girls and I went to play at the pool. It was my first time braving it with the two of them being mobile and we had great fun! Saturday morning saw a whirlwind house tidy before Aneliese and I whisked off to the Tea House (read Karyn's lovely blog for her perspective) for a short little date before the busy day ahead. While there, I realized again with a grateful heart how my precious girl is now thriving, with her dancing eyes, happy smile and glowing skin. Upon arriving home, Dan's and my day was thrown into high gear with six hours of wedding photography that was going to take place in many different locations around town. The bride and groom were happy and the wedding party fun to work with as we got creative amidst a brightly sunny, high wind, and plenty of mosquitoes, day. Despite the desire to crawl into bed when we finished at six, we went home to our happy girls who had enjoyed their day with "Miss Allison" where I gave hugs, nursed Cecily, grabbed some clothes and bedding, and headed out to our Moms Time Out retreat. Connie shared her story with us and we spent Saturday evening and  Sunday talking, laughing, eating, and playing games. By the time we left, I was eager to get home to Dan and my babies.

Now Dan is at games night, the girls are sleeping, and I am taking a few minutes to process my thoughts before joining them in dreamland. I hope to move into this next week with a new perspective because this past one was a difficult one. I have unconsciously moved into coping mode. Just trying to surpress my nauseous stomach until lunch time when I can take a nap to take my exhausted self until evening when I can finally fall into bed for an interrupted sleep by a teething, unhappy girl. Struggling with patience for my girls, forgetting to choose my battles wisely, ceasing to make the effort to make their day bright and joyous. Dwelling on my weakness and failures. Feeling resentful and easily irritated.

And then just one night of unbroken sleep. One day of my own thoughts. I saw the beauty of my week; the visit of a dear friend, pushing my giggling daughter higher and higher on the swing, holding Cecily's hand on a walk, a tired Daddy snuggling a finally sleeping baby, and invitations for "one last meal". The sweet, "I'm sorry Mama, do you forgive me?" for a wrong done, two chubby hands patting my shoulders in joy at having Mama home, a dish rack full of clean dishes, and boxes packed. A warm and familiar kiss saying welcome home.

The truth is, I will probably have an interrupted sleep tonight and I will wake up feeling so sick. I may just try to make it through the day again. Probably, we will spend a good deal of time outside so that I don't have to think about how awful I feel. I don't think patience will come easily. I will probably fight tears multiple times as the boxes continue to get packed. Not much changed with one night away. Except that I was reminded that I can and must choose to find the little glowing spots.