The season of Advent is drawing closer and I just don’t feel ready. Oh, I have the candles for the Advent wreath, I have the basic outline of our days written from previous years and I even have a new book of advent reflections for Dan and I to read together. My...
Quiet I fear quiet. I fear that to quiet my voice is to admit insignificance. My voice was never meant for silence. Was it? I never wanted to be a loud emphatic voice. I’ve never longed to be heard by the thousands. But I have never wanted quiet either. I wasn’t meant...
When it comes to pain, we all generally choose to either fight or flee. The injury is inflicted, the pain begins, and often aside from conscious decision we choose one of the above. This applies to the big stuff in life and the little day-to-day stuff. Marissa...
As a young woman, I remember day dreaming about the bliss of married life. My friend and I
gushed how we simply could not wait
to “joyfully submit” to our chosen mates. We pictured how we would come
alongside as ‘helpmates’: quietly and dutifully supporting these might men in
prayer, and cheerfully creating home and children and pretty plates as we
trusted these individuals to lead our families through dreams and debt and drudgery.
Um…are you kidding
Sitting next to me, book in hand, her troubled voice uttered words that felt as if she had glimpsed my very core, “ Mama, I’m looking for Jesus. I can’t find Jesus. Where’s Jesus?” Cecily was looking for a story about Jesus but her words described how I so often feel....
He was next to me; near enough to tap his foot with my own, but far enough that I could stare at him through my hair without him feeling it. The table between us held popcorn, wine, and the pipe I had purchased for him that first Father’s Day. A small bonfire crackled...
revelation was that in some ways, I am on the defensive regarding my role as
“just a mom” and that in order to be
legitimate, I need to do it perfectly or at least be striving for perfection.
As I was mulling this revelation, it was timely that I read the following quote;
“I hear two main messages from our culture: first, that
motherhood is a distraction, an interruption from what should be important to
me – mainly myself and a career. Second, if a woman does choose motherhood, the
only way for it to have meaning or value is to do it better than anyone else,
to be a supermom who perfectly balances career, cooking, chauffeuring,
cleaning, personal time, and date nights…a super mom who has a perfect house,
perfect husband, perfect job, and perfect kids – because if you’re going to
focus on motherhood, it is only worthwhile if everything is perfect.” Beyond
Bath Time – Erin Davis
struck me because I often find myself believing that i must justify my
career choice of being a mother by doing it perfectly. After all, I can
list so many other
women who are great and committed mothers while still having another
also know plenty of other moms who, like me, are fighting the feelings
failure up against their own expectations and/or the expectations of
we intended to be perfect mothers? And I mean perfect by both our
the standard of others. Is perfection what our children, spouses, or the
need from us?
It will be later when you read this, but I will have written it here on the beach in the quiet of the morning. I find company in the roll of the ocean, the resting birds, and Molly. Dan suggested that I go technology free but somehow I knew my words would find voice...
I’ve only made it to day two and already I spent the past hour struggling for words and so tempted to just go to bed. I had wanted to start by giving you a little glimpse of my soul but that is more difficult than you might expect. Today Aneliese asked what a soul was...
It's been dry here for the past few weeks. I've even had to water my garden and parts of my lawn is brown. When so many that we know make their livelihood off of the land and as we become more conscious of the work that goes into our food production, the weather...
It seems that life lately has been an ongoing saga of awakening, wrestling and releasing. It’s brought a bit of silence to my written voice here because I find it hard to give words to the light and the every day happenings yet haven’t been ready to share the more...
I asked Dan a couple of weeks ago if he would be willing to write a guest blog for me. He had plenty of humorous titles and he suggested that he might share a great new recipe or his latest art done with the girls. He's always ready to help me not take myself too...
It is a day commemorating that darkest day. He who is Good giving himself completely. Because of Love. A holiday to many, a holy day to many. A day of remembering the darkness while rejoicing in the light given. Today His name was often on our lips as we gently,...
It’s the story of my life really; I have the endurance of a Quarter horse rather than a Thorough Bred. That is, I tend to go hard for the first quarter only to lose steam for the rest of the mile. Lent saw this tendency within as it began with my heart listening and...
Dea and I became friends in college and with our little group of college friends have maintained our friendship for the last decade (wow, I didn't realize it had been that long!). Through weddings, marriage, babies, loss, changes, moves, and many other things, I have...