It is a rare quiet 6:30 in the morning at our house. Dan and Aneliese went for the early swim at the pool , it’s their “ducky dip”, while Cecily is still in dream land. I am going to have a cup of tea and savour the quiet until my sweet babe wakes up. The later part of yesterday was one of those days where I was ready to give up even while realizing that wasn’t one of my options. In our little home there are many good days and moments, but sometimes the chaotic or challenging one seem to overshadow the others. Like when I clean and tidy, yet I can’t seem to get on top of everything. Or when I organize (okay maybe look at the stuff needed organizing) and still have tonnes of things needing places. This coming from a girl who didn’t like to go to sleep if there was something lying on the floor. And I just feel tired and like I really need just one night of complete sleep. But, Cecily won’t eat solids or take a bottle so she needs to eat a couple of times a night. And Aneliese has decided that now is a good time to revert back to being a baby, which includes making noises instead of using words. And. And. And…So…I am just overwhelmed…and tired. And just writing this has tired me of my pity party for one. I am sure that I will come back to it, but writing it down really is therapeutic. Really it won’t stay like this. Right? I will either get myself together or I will learn to embrace the new unorganized, less the tidy (I can’t say messy yet). One day, in the far off distance, I will get a full night’s sleep or I will adapt to less sleep. Cecily will eventually eat food rather than blowing it around and she won’t always need to be nursed every 3 hours (there is no or for this!). With love, attention, and a little guiding, Aneliese will remember that she prefers being a little girl over a baby, cause really being a little girl is so much more fun. Babies don’t go for ducky dips. Or she will decide that she is going back to breast feeding.
Really though, I think that today will be a good day. I only had to wake up once in the night (or maybe it was twice, I don’t remember), my sewing room is almost organized, and I bought chalk board paint for the table in the girls playroom. Hello, new day, lets spend some time together!
Tis exhausting sometimes.And it IS healthy to write it out to the void. Just writing it brings perspective and clarity and encouragement to self. But to fill in the gaps- I wanted to encourage you by saying- you are right it will pass but in the meantime your concerns are legitimate, your feelings are real, sleep depravity is used as torture- so I think you are doing pretty darn good:) It would kill me if my kids woke up before 8 am!!! …Oh and I understand the guilt, the frustration, the desire to be more, the determination to embrace the little moments, but the need for others to empathize and tell you you are an awesome mom…and you are.
Thank God no one is perfect…then we would be…god. I think I prefer God being God:)
You are beautifully coping by being honest
Your posts are beautiful.