During one of meeting with the social worker whom we worked when we were adopting, she asked us what made us think that our marriage would last. What made us think that we wouldn’t end up divorced? At the time we wished that we had a more flowery, detailed answer, but the only thing that we could think of was that it wasn’t an option. In a culture where options are important, it didn’t seem like that would be the answer she was looking for. However, after she approved us for adoption many weeks later, she wrote that she admired the choices we made in our marriage so apparently she didn’t mind our answer.
I feel held by the belief that I am in this for life, but I don’t feel stuck. Knowing that there is no other option forces me to speak the words that are buried inside, to allow the hurt to well out of my eyes. It keeps two exhausted people awake, talking it out after days (or more) of avoidance. Knowing that there is no other option is also what causes me to smile in the dark when I wake to strong arms wrapped tightly around me. Having no other option frees me to share my joy at togetherness and it makes the morning brighter.
I’m not so naïve to think that we could let our marriage go and expect it to “work out” because “we have no choice”. I am thankful that I am in love and I truly do love my man, but I am also thankful that in those times when I don’t really feel the love that the thought of, “ This is the rest of my life.”, helps me to make the choice to make the rest of my life worth it. And I am thankful that I’m not in this alone, that the one at my side is equally committed to making our years together filled with life, filled with joy, filled with togetherness, and filled with love.
There’s sometimes a lot more peace in having boundaries, right? Too much “freedom” can lead to chaos.
beautiful post. so happy you have such a good man that loves you!
I like that. Did you end up adopting? How long can your adoption profile be open without a refresher?
I have written small bit about our adoption story on here, although never completely, it is too personal (I much prefer talking about it in person).http://thismama.wordpress.com/2010/10/06/happy-birthday/, http://thismama.wordpress.com/2010/07/20/teardrops/
Because we no longer live in BC, our dossier is now basically closed and we will need to start pretty much from the beginning again.
I just heard of yet another marriage breaking up, and I came back to this post to find encouragement in the fact that we’re not alone in looking at marriage this way. I feel like this view is becoming more and more of a minority…it makes my heart glad to read about faithfulness like this.