Sometimes, here in my little corner, I wonder why I blog? Really, why? I was talking with this friend about blogging and life in general earlier this week and apparently we both have similar things on our minds. The beauty of the mundane in our lives and the heaviness of the sometimes very near world around us. The oddness of opening up the can of worms called the things most important to us for basically anyone to see. The seemingly ridiculous discontent in our personal lives.
I keep a journal of sorts, which means that I write down thoughts, verses, odds and ends as I wish to and it has entries from 2006 in it…occasionally what is written there finds it’s way here. How is that for letting you feel like you are really peaking in at my life. Here is a bit from it (excuse it’s structural and grammatical warts, it is after all private) :
It is odd how days weave together with a mix of heaviness and delight, strength and fear, sleep and energy, joy and sorrow. And they just melt, one into the next. I laugh at my babies one minute and feel incredibly irritated the next. I cook, clean, and tackle endless dishes. Our days are broken by a trip to the park or for milk. I take deep breaths as my daughter screams “NO” at me, once more. I tell her how hurtful it is when she quotes; (Rain, rain) Go away, and don’t come back!” And I hug her as she softly says, “I’m sorry for being unkind, do you forgive me?” I form finger puppets while Dan takes pictures for a tutorial on a craft blog that I was invited to share and then fall asleep to his quiet singing because the pain and unrest that fills the world news and the remembrance of children and a wife sleeping without their daddy keeps my mind from sleeping. Only to awken hours later, shaken by the dreaming question of “Why bring another child into this?”. And yet, somehow, this is the life, the path that I have been given. The mundane, the hard, the ‘frivolous’ is for me to live and perhaps, through the living well, I can make some difference, can be used.
And why I am now sharing this here and now? Why I am asking about writing on my blog? I am looking for validation in a world where I am largely insignificant? Is it because I think that I have things that are just that important to be shared? Does my fabulous recipe or cute little craft really matter in the scheme of things? Is it possible that someone, anyone is encouraged by the reading of what I write at times? Can I offer something so that someone sees the everyday life from a new perspective? Or knows that they aren’t alone in their nighttime sleeplessness for the pain of the world or in their daily balancing of the important and unimportant? I don’t actually have answers to these questions and I don’t so much expect answers to be given. I will probably continue to write in much the same way; little bits from our days, a recipe, a thought, a craft, a reno project in our house. Because often it gives me perspective and helps me look at my life differently and because I enjoy the writing and sharing of it. Likely some of the most passionately held beliefs, dreams, desires and hurts will subtly present themselves throughout much as they do to the people who see me face to face. And as this life grows and changes me, my blog will change, maybe it will become something that I shake my head in wonder that I gave my time to it. But for now this is me, warts and all.
keep writing! I love reading your blogs and am often inspired or uplifted… or thinking oh good someone else feels the same way. and its nice.
I struggle with why I write too. For me it is largely just needing to process through writing, and I think I’ve given up on having much meaningful feedback from my long rants. But your blog is a great encouragement to me, not because you are perfect but because you are pressing forward, and there are beautiful things which you incorporate into your life, harder-but-better routes which you choose to take with your little ones, and these inspire me to do the same or similar. We are all tired moms these days; but it is good to sit down when I am burnt out and read about a friend across the miles who is still seeking to live for Jesus and to honor Him with all of these small things that make up the pains and pleasures of our lives. It is good to share life together this way, to learn from the struggles and triumphs of another, and most of all to know that I am not alone. I should already know that, probably, but there aren’t friends here who know where I’m at or where I’m coming from on many of the more difficult or controversial parenting decisions we’ve made. I guess what I’m saying is that you are an inspiration, a blessing, and encouragement even when you don’t feel that way, see yourself that way, or get to reap the benefits of these seeds that you scatter. My mothering has been improved by learning from yours.
As I mentioned on Lola’s blog…Just be you. That’s something I like. Thus why I love reading blogs, especially if I know the person, If it is staying true to them it honors the beauty of diversity. I just love the varied topics, varied people, and very different blog topics. They make me feel connected and less alone in life’s struggles and joys. It’s encouraging in this North American lifestyle that lacks community. Our cold culture needs blogging I think as a way to warm up:)And the people I don’t know, help too, if their blog speaks to me. I don’t think looking for validation is wrong, nor is believing you have things to share that are important- after all if no one lived with conviction where would our world be? And why would God create in us a need to have a partner in life, to have (in part ) validation for the journey? Yes, your fabulous crafts and recipes matter ( I may not use them but some people will and really that is not the point.) The point is not to be “useful” (like current culture values…) the point is to be creative and share…which God values. because each of us gives and shares things that would otherwise not touch the people we share them with if we did not. Yup, some will be encouraged, others may not…but at least those ones that read benefited while none would benefit if you did not write in the first place.
Sorry, I know I am giving answers…I have that tendency. No tact really. But I guess in my journey I have learned that God wants me to be me. No more of these evangelical excuses I used to think I had nothing to offer. This is untrue… because if I did not have anything to give to this world I would not have been born. I think everything one does can be used for the betterment of creation…especially creating and sharing…because that is how mere humans learn. I don’t know – If God wanted me to be perfect and only share the good I think I would simply be another God. It really seems to defeat the purpose of humanness if we can’t share and learn from each other’s journey. Does that seem way off base?
All that to say, If you like blogging…find a balance that works for you…and just be you. Some may turn the page, some may stay awhile, some may benefit, and some may not, but ALL will see the glory of the ONE WHO IS within you through your humanness. Because being creative and sharing life’s journey is an honourable thing to do. I take it very seriously…but even more so I take it very seriously to stay true to who I am on my blog…very personal without much of a filter…Some may hate it, some may think I do it for the wrong reasons, some may judge…But I should not be basing my actions upon the “some”. I need to base them upon who I am and the inner beliefs I hold dear in my heart because I have been given those beliefs and this personhood from a God who believes in humanity enough to be human himself. You are parts of you on here. No blog is going to show the whole glory of a person…but it shows aspects. I like your unique outlooks. Things I would never think of…Things I need to think on…things that inspire, encourage, or make me feel less alone.
Thanks for writing:)
Thanks for the encouragement dear ladies, mostly, these thoughts come in the night when I should be sleeping but feel particularly pressed by what I see and hear. Makes some of the things that I do seem so…trivial…but in balance I suppose that is how life goes one…I know that I couldn’t hold up under the continual pressing of the heavy and hurting otherwise.
I am constantly inspired, uplifted or humbled by what you write. I am always glad to hear that I am not the only one going through issues with parenting. Sometimes I wonder why Cory and I keep making decisions for our little family that seem to be so out of the norm, but hearing that although we may be more rare in our choice making, we aren’t alone. Thanks.
Thanks, Lisa… that is really encouraging. Thanks for taking the time to comment!