I have never been much into Halloween where in my ethnic background it began as a time of mingling and communing with the dead as they came to wreck havoc. Now it is a time of cheaply made, overpriced candy and costumes. I know, the community, it builds community. I agree, somewhat. We passed out candy last year, candy that I don’t let my own kids eat and Aneliese enjoyed seeing some of the kids that came to our door. It was kind of fun. But is that really community? I have been told multiple times that Halloween is the only day of the year when neighbors will knock on each others door…I hope for more community than that with my neighbors (we actually do have a great deal more than that here already and haven’t passed a Oct 31 yet.). I don’t think that my children learn community from running from door to door one night of the year filling their bags with candy.
Back to the grotesque library figures; I have heard people say that kids are going to be exposed to scary stuff all the time so they might as well get used to it. I feel like there is enough real scary stuff that I don’t need to be inundated with the fake for weeks to expose my child. And do I really want them to become desensitized? I know that many would just say that Aneliese is particularly sensitive and that most children can differentiate between fake and real. Do they? Do they really? Why then are there so many hits on graphic videos of death, pain and torture? Why are teenagers, “normal” teenagers, passing around cell phone images and videos of unspeakable things?
I realize that many have either stopped reading, are annoyed, or think that I am over reacting. I will be the first to say that I am over reacting. Mostly because I feel that there is this general response that if one doesn’t like Halloween or wish their child to participate that they are being legalistic or uncaring or sheltering their kids or not building community. And that bothers me. I get that there are fun things about it. I get that there are cute and fun costumes and that not everyone has severed limbs and blood about their house as decorations. I get that many people (especially those whose children are grown) enjoy seeing the trick or treaters. I also really get that most feel that a bunch of candy is good harmless fun. I know that it is a night when many of the neighbors come out of their houses and talk to each other. I get it and I agree on some points ;). But I wonder how many get that there is another side, another perspective, and that at least part of that perspective is actually legitimate.
Just for the record, as I wrote last year, I don’t want to go to the basement and turn out my lights each year. We just don’t live like that even if I want to sometimes. I don’t feel annoyed that the neighbor kids expect candy and it doesn’t bother me that people hope to see our kids in their cute little costumes. I am not even saying that we won’t participate and join the community (hopefully in the way that I talked about last year) although this year it just feels like one more overwhelming thing to add to the list. So I will probably run into town today and stock up on some candy that I will hate buying and feel bad giving out. And everyone will be happy. But what I don’t like is being taken to task or seeing others taken to task for choosing to have a differing view on the “celebration” of Halloween.
This is long already so I should just stop, but I just wanted to add that if one wishes, there are many ways to build community through out the year. There are things like fall clean-up on your street or nearby park, helping out with fund raisers, community potlucks and music nights, Christmas caroling, sidewalk shoveling, inviting folks for bonfires, helping out if you see a need (a neighbor fixing their roof or moving something). Here we are getting to know our neighbors as we purchase produce, honey or simply by stopping in to ask advice or questions about the area; it has required some bravery on my part but has been a great way to get to know the people around us.
I agree with the scary images. I have a lot of people who do not get my protection of kids with movie images either. I here ya. It’s uncalled for to do creepy in a public library for children- if they want to do something on halloween it should be cutsey. Pumpkins, charlie brown, …you know rated G if they must.At the same time I get the fun of it and the reason it started seems irrelevant as it can also be traced back to the tradition of All Saints Day in Catholicism…which actually was not too sinister. But there are horrid things that people do as an excuse to celebrate…then again people do that anyway on any given day… I’m back and forth too. It depends on the people I am around on any given year. It’s harmless enough for most. My friends want to make a night of it, dressing our kids up, doing supper and going out. I am ok with it. I am ok with the candy too to some degree although I used to forbid it completely. My motto is everything within moderation. Some candy is not going to kill them but I do not want them being greedy either. It’s a fine line. Just do what you believe is best for your children. Do nothing out of guilt or righteous feeling. Do it all out of love. If the library really is an issue, kindly tell them how it effects and suggest alternatives I guess.
Loved your community building suggestions. Excellent.
Thanks Kmarie, I was pretty disturbed about the library although I think that mostly the grotesque figures came because it is a shared building, no less ridiculous but explainable. Like I said, I know that I am over reacting in counter-reaction and that different cultures have differing perspectives and backgrounds. I totally see the fun of it too! I love dress up (minus the masks) and I even like candy (I just wish it weren’t filled dyes and yucky additives). You really are right about guilt or righteous feeling, neither is very productive…but both can be a challenge.
Hey Marissa,
I love your honesty in this post. This issues is a tricky one, and it reminds me it does come down to a very personal decision in the end. You’re right, there are other opportunities for community throughout the year, and perhaps we need to initiate those more. I absolutely do no like gory costumes or all the ugly stuff that comes along with this day, but I do love the fact that the community gathers together, and it’s just one opportunity to be salt and light in our dark world–and yes, so much of this day is dark, but we have Christ’s light. I love that thought. Thanks for participating–I think your neighbors see and appreciate that. Above all, I love your heart and mind–the fact that you are grappling with this issue shows a depth of character. None of us have it right, but we are seeking truth, and I’m grateful for grace.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on my blog today!
Blessings,
Melanie
Thanks Melanie for commenting, it is a tricky (haha) one and one that I am sure I will approach differently each year as my children grow, change and ask questions. The funny thing is, that it is almost six and no kids have come by….maybe they go into town where they can more easily walk from house to house.
I laughed out loud at the part about buying the candy because I felt exactly the same waytoday at the store. Last ear I didn’t even buy any and found random things in my pantry (packaged things!) to give out, then my mom showed up with more. Anyhow, it is something we are discussing as well, but I agree with all your thoughts and have had many of the same ones this past week. Our kids dressed up for the kids that came to our door and I kind of talked about it as dress up day to Caleb. He thinks dressing up is fun and so we went with that.Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
The funny thing is that I stressed and stewed, Dan finally went to buy some good earth lollipops which are at least just sugar, came back with a small bag of chocolate bars and a treat for our girls….and there didn’t seem to be kids going around in our neighbor hood. So while my thoughts haven’t changed, I guess that isn’t one way that our community comes together;)