It’s a beautiful morning; the sun is shining through the dining room windows (that sparkle because they just were washed yesterday!) and I can hear the girls’ happy voices as they enjoy the warmth and their swings outside. I woke up tired even though I had an early night and a 5.5 hour stretch of sleep before Kathleen needed to eat. It’s one of those days where I have to choose to be a “good” mama. Meaning that I’d like to be somewhat selfish, seeing to their needs while indulging in my own little world in a somewhat detached manner. But, I’m not going to, really. The hope and prayer in my heart is that I will continue to choose through out the day to laugh, to listen, to guide, and to love my daughters wholeheartedly.
I used to measure my daily success as a mama by how easy the day had been, how smoothly it had gone. So on days when I felt tired and just didn’t feel like it, I felt guilty, even if I had pushed through and actually had done well. Something in my head said that wasn’t enough, that I was only a good mother if it came easily. And I have mentioned before that being a mama doesn’t come easily to me. I love my daughters, I wouldn’t trade my life for anything but there are still lots of days where I have to choose delight and where I have to choose to give myself. Slowly, I am starting to realize that perhaps the days when I have to make a choice to parent well are actually the best days and the days where my daughters and I experience the most grace.
In case you are wondering, there are days when I admit that I don’t make the best choice and I don’t give the girls the best of myself. Today, though, I am focusing on renewal and the desire to continue to grow in living life well. I also wanted to share this article, The ABC’s of Toddlerhood (I think it applies to more than toddler though).