“Mama, wait for me!” her worried little voice calls as she hurries into her little boots. I half sigh, half rejoice as I turn to wait for that sweet and slow two year old who wants to help carry the pail as I head out for the morning milking. “ I cut up the onions all by myself.” a proud girl tells her daddy at the supper table that was set haphazardly by small helping hands.
Sometimes in the busy of the day, it seems easiest to hurry through my work on my own. After all if I can just get everything done, I will have more time to spend with the girls. However, I realize that is a disservice to them and to myself. I think that it is easy to underestimate the ability and need for children, even small children, to take part in the daily work. What better way is there to learn how to cook, care for a house, yard, and animals than while working alongside a Mama or Daddy?
Confession: I’ve been really lacking in this area lately. I was chatting about it with a friend just today in fact. Months ago I got small canvases to paint pictures of the daily chores on that we would have a on line in the kitchen to remind us of what needed doing. They are still sitting waiting to be painted. I’ve been rushing to make meals at the last minute so haven’t had time for helpers. Dan or I blitz through the house trying to keep up the hurricane to a minimum. And it has been reflecting. Rather than being played with and put away, toys are being strewn everywhere. Clothing is being unfolded and dumped. Shoes left where they were kicked off.
Do you know what is silly? I LOVE doing work with the girls and they are brilliant helpers. Cecily has great fun collected laundry and loading the washing machine so why don’t I ask her to run around collecting the towels? Aneliese loves using the spray bottle so why don’t I have her wipe the mirrors? Meals made together are filled with fun and someday they will be able to take care of making a meal as a result. Playing a song and racing to pick up all the toys before it is finished leaves us all breathless and laughing. As we are all collectively aware of what needs to be done and put the doing into practice, daily life becomes a little simpler. As the girls help fold and put away the laundry, they begin to understand why it isn’t a good idea to empty their drawers while playing. While there aren’t a lot of tasks that they are able to tackle alone, there are many that they can do with minimal guidance.
I’m not really feeling bad because I know that life and parenting is all about cycles and learning. I am committing myself again to setting up our daily work in such a way that encourages the girls to join in. And if I ever get our chore plan made up, maybe I will share it! And, really, that picture of Cecily just makes me laugh.
How do you encourage your children to help with the daily work of your home? I’d love to have any tips and seasoned practice you may have!
I struggle with this too. I really want them to be able to help me with everything but sometimes there just isn’t enough time for the training, or I just don’t have enough patience and foresight, or the baby interrupts and the older kids are left disappointed by my lack of follow-through.
I’ve just started trying this, so I don’t know if it’s very “seasoned,” but since we moved last week, I’ve had the children doing two daily tasks (mostly ’cause they are both things they beg me to let them do, so I’m making them their required daily responsibilities, and they can take up a lot of time which I kinda need right now with settling in and getting organized). In the morning, after breakfast, when they are playing outside, they are responsible for watering all the plants and flowers. (You know how children and water are. This can take five minutes or an hour, depending on their mood.) In the late afternoon, while I’m making dinner, they are responsible for washing all the dishes. (Granted, I’m cheating right now and using now and using paper plates. So it’s not a whole lot of dishes. But I want them to know that it’s work and that it’s important, and that work is a good and fun thing, so I’m encouraging this while this is what they’re into, so that it can continue to be a positive chore.) Actually, watering flowers and doing dishes are the two things I’m worst at, so maybe this is all for me after all.
I guess one thought is just not to let the chore chart restrict you from letting them help. It’s cool, but not required. Rilla has been wanting me to make her a pretty cloth one for a year; I haven’t even made a paper one. But I’m finding just a few extra daily responsibilities to be a good place to start for us for now. Once it’s a habit, they’ll remember without a chart, and things will probably keep changing with ages and seasons, so the chart would have to be fairly flexible?
Not sure if that’s actually helpful to you, but that’s where we’re at just now.
Good thinking on choosing the things that they already enjoy!I agree that a chore chart could be restricting…actually, I started thinking about it more for the routines that need to happen each day…and probably should happen before anything else. Such as brushing teeth and hair, getting dressed, making bed, feeding pets…those kinds of things. I know that we should remember, but honestly sometimes, I forget so I can’t blame my little ones for forgetting either:).
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who forgets to get everyone brushed and dressed!
Loved this:) I did a chore chart for a while in the younger years and it worked rather well, but I am the least organized person so it ended up causing me more stress to actually remember it:) Now we do things rather randomely. Every day they have jobs – They each are responsible for their own rooms and beds. Then my daughter and oldest son do the unloading and folding and my youngest organizes the entry. Sometimes we switch it up depending on needs and my son is sweeping or my daughter is dusting and my youngest is watering our numerous plants…it just depends. We try to make it fun with music or chatting but sometimes it is not and I give them pep talks about life and the fact that we choose our attitude about necessary tasks and sometimes it does just suck and we have to get through it:) Those pep talks help me more than anything- ha ha:) My kids also love the lavender cleaning spray bottles.
haha, I have to smile because I am not very organized these days either! I like what you say about choosing our attitude about our tasks. Some things may never be fun every day but we do just have to learn how to do them. I forget that often myself…especially when it comes to doing dishes!
Thanks for this reminder! We avoid the concept of “chores” around here but focus instead on the fact that we’re all part of this family so everyone works together. But lately I have been rushing rather than slowing down to allow for help. When I’m being the perfect mama (which is never…), C helps with everything. He loves it and it allows us quality time together while still getting the housework done. We need to get back to doing this while he still has that love of work. I want him to grow up just naturally caring for a home without counting whose turn it is or thinking his wife should take care of it. My mom had a “first marriage, first litter; second marriage, second litter” as she always says. With the first half of us, we had no chores but were just expected to help with things throughout the day. With the second half, there were assigned chores that Mom fought and nagged to get them to do. And the second half all now consider any sort of chores to be a personal punishment rather than a contribution to the family. I try to keep this in mind and make work a normal part of life. But its so much easier to just do it myself!
I don’t have any tips, my kids are expected to clean up after themselves and generally they do, even if they complain the entire time. If I need help from them, they do it for the most part.
http://www.littlehomesteadinthevalley.blogspot.com
Thanks for sharing that! Your story hit so close to home I almost choked up as I heard my own son’s voice while reading “wait for me!” and “I cut up the onions all by myself!” Freely allowing and inviting our children to help with daily activities has been our plan since before we had any. My resolve is absolute on this. However, my flesh is weak and my own poor planning and selfish urge to get some menial task done quickly gets in the way. I’ve done everything from blatantly denying C’s request to help switch laundry (something we’ve been doing together since before he was 2) to pulling up some train footage on YouTube and as soon as he’s distracted from his play near the back door (think tractor beam on Star Trek), sneaking through it to collect the eggs or take out the [nasty, fly-infested, don’t want my son near it] compost.
Here’s what I mean to do: I want my kids to learn to enjoy work, to find pleasure in the rhythm of the menial. I want more for them, of course, but if I want them to pursue a fulfilling and meaningful vocation why would I want them to experience the daily tasks of living life any differently? To that end I want to find pleasure and meaning in my own menial tasks and to freely welcome my kids to participate with me. As swoopie and hippie as it sounds, it actually works.
I actually enjoy doing laundry and C was eager to join in the fun as soon as he was able. By “able” I mean that he couldn’t reach clothes in our front loading washer so I would hold him in the washer while he grabbed an article of clothing then lift him up to the dryer above it to drop it in. THANKFULLY, he’s old enough to reach everything in the washer on his own and has the strength and skill to toss all but heavier grownup jeans up into the dryer. It still takes forever though. C enjoys making meaningful contributions in the kitchen by cutting and measuring ingredients because we enjoy it. He wants to help in the garden and with outdoor projects and is excited about growing food because we are. If he feels put off because I give him a “job” that doesn’t actually contribute to the task at hand, he gets angry or just dejected.
However, if I am irritable or otherwise explicitly not enjoying what I’m doing he doesn’t want to be part of it (for some reason) . It’s not an instant response though. There is momentum involved. When I’m on a role and parenting the way I mean to, it takes a couple days or so of my own bad attitude or not letting him help before he loses interest and once he does, it takes at least as much good parenting to peak his interest in the things I’m doing. As C ages his reaction to his growing-up experiences will average out into a general mindset and hopefully we’ll have imparted a mindset of enjoying the task at hand and the duality of “have-tos” and “get-tos.”
Of course, he has other truly important things to do like building with blocks, playing with his trains, and digging on his own “projects” in the yard so even when I’m at my best parenting I do get an opportunity to do a few things at my own (sometimes faster) pace.