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Friends, I’m tired these days.
You know that bone tired, I-think-I-might-cry sort of tired? That’s my
camp this past week or two, or maybe it’s three, I can’t remember now. I
actually looked at my bed and considered taking a nap while the girls
were all playing down stairs. There was a little voice in my head that
said it would be okay. I managed to ignore it but barely. So why I am so
tired. I remember this with Cecily. It’s what happens when a 14 month
old, sweet, darling and precious though she may be, is still wanting to
nurse once or twice a night. Except for those nights last week where it
was three times. Three.  And this isn’t a little put baby back to sleep
snack but rather a hearty meal followed by a roar of “you will give me
more!”. Really child, you drained. every. last. drop.

So
Kathleen and I had a chat around about 2 am a few nights ago. Well, she
ate and I talked. I was slightly delirious but I think it went
something like this; “Enjoy this nighttime feed because it’s your last
one. After tonight, you are officially cut off. That’s right sweetie. No
more. ” And that’s it. I’m no longer open for dining in the middle of
the night. I’m sorry.

I know,
it sounds harsh. But a zombie mama does what she’s gotta do. Those
ladies who can get through with little sleep and a shot of caffeine? I
admire them, but caffeine does NOTHING for me other than provide a case
of the shakes midday. My girls have been copying my incoherent sentences
and tonight after I call the fridge a dresser, a stove, and a cupboard,
Aneliese just responded with, “or whatever that thing is called.”

Kathleen
has been surprisingly okay with the new changes. Oh, she isn’t sleeping
through the night, yet. But, I think she is beginning to understand
that her push over mama really means it. I nurse her more during the day
and make sure she gets a good supper. Then between 11 pm and 5 am, I
hang up the Closed sign and Daddy soothes her back to sleep. But it’s my
turn to get up with her tonight. I will. be. strong. And kind.

So that’s my rambling explanation as to why I’ve been MIA. Happy Friday and may you all have plenty of sleep tonight.